I like surprises. I thought I’d never see the day when a condo hyped in the Sun/Province would be priced below $60,000. Last week, I experienced a great surprise. The shock was overwhelming. For once, a condo priced within reach. The promise of a lifestyle fantasy fulfilled. The address I’ve always wanted… in Jacksonville.
Uh, Jacksonville. What, is that in Surrey? You know, like one of those nouveau neighbourhood nicknames like Central City? Nope. Think Florida. As in Jacksonville, Florida.
So there you have it, friends — the subprime mortgage meltdown has made its way to Metro Vancouver, bringing to us a wide range of deep-discounted condo opportunities in the USA.
This ad is for the Residences at City Place in Jacksonville but it might as well be Coal Harbour. With studios sized at 450 square feet located in a convenient downtown location, is there really any difference?
Why do I bother with commentary? The marketers say it all. I’m unnecessary. There’s no place for me. I mean, what could I possibly contribute in the face of this:
In a city overwhelmed with choices, MOSAIC strives to build homes that surpass all others. LINKS is a showcase of our quest. Overlooking a majestic golf course, with breathtaking mountain views, we found the ideal site to build a community of two, three, and four bedroom rowhomes minutes from cafes, malls, farmers markets, mountain trails, and lakes. We have carefully considered every detail — from doorbells to closet space to rooflines to the pedestrian pathways which circle around common parks and gardens. So whether you are walking your dog or picking up your mail, you will see nature. You will be part of a vibrant village. You will feel right at home. Connected. By Design.
The script is damn near hypnotic. Reading it, I have visions of Royter hovering above me. “You WILL see nature. You WILL be part of a vibrant village. You WILL feel right at home. You WILL be paying this off for 40 years.”
More info at www.liveatlinks.com but be warned, if you’re looking to know where this development is, don’t bother with the website. It doesn’t tell you, and that brings about a lot of problems if the object of this ad is make me want to live (buy) at Links.
I may be mad, but there’s something to be said about dwelling on the details.
Concrete meets luxury to bring you “luxury concrete” at Lumen, a new condo on West 3rd near Granville Island in Vancouver.
Allow me to keep things “light” by sharing the developer’s 100W description of the place (to make this a drinking game, take a drink at each hyphenated phase):
Striking white quartz countertops, rich wood veneer cabinetry and matching paneled appliances create a seamless flow of smooth, integrated surfaces in your European-inspired kitchen run; while sexy frameless glass showers, extra-deep soaker tubs, and distinctive medicine cabinets make each luxurious Lumen bathroom a spa-like sanctuary.
European-inspired. Extra-deep. Spa-like. Wow! I just downed three shots! (Actually, I downed four. I took a bonus at the “rich wood veneer” part. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
Hey, how many condo marketers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (Again, I couldn’t help myself.)
As a young city, Vancouver doesn’t have a lot of history to work with. Or perhaps better said, Vancouver doesn’t have a lot of history that we care to think about in any serious way. The consequences that flow from this thinking range from the serious (a lack of civic engagement, general indifference to poverty, etc.) to the not-so-serious (supremely crappy condo names that wouldn’t be caught dead in an Ikea catalogue).
On the condo-name front, Vancouver’s “missing past” has left the developers and marketers to come up with their own names, often with disastrous results. Combing through a list of recent Lower Mainland condos — Pulse, Legacy, Ultra, Ginger — you get the sense that Metro Vancouver condo names are much ado about nothing. (Well, maybe almost nothing. I guess somebody could appreciate condos branded like aftershave.)
So what name does Amacon bestow on its latest Yaletown development? Turns out it isn’t Mountain Rain, Musk, or even Ocean Breeze. The Beasley is the name and the brand “pays tribute” to Larry Beasley, Vancouver’s former co-director of planning. Much of the development in the city in the last two decades was subject to Beasley’s approval and given the emergence of Vancouver as the king of condo cities, it’s fitting that LB gets a condo of his own. (And a Yaletown condo too, no doubt.)
To the developers, I say keep this up. Don’t shy away from the history of Vancouver. Spare us the neighbourhoods of towers named like nightclubs and sex toys. You can build Vancouver’s future by acknowledging Vancouver’s past. Do it for Larry. Do it for the kids.
Now here’s a funky concept in Vancouver condo marketing: The condo ad as economics lesson. Forget lifestyle marketing, what consumers need is a tutorial in supply and demand.
Take a read of this ad copy for the Vista Place condos in North Vancouver:
Now that Vista Place is nearly sold, buying here has become even more of a rare opportunity. Exceptional homes in a great North Shore neighbourhood with fabulous features. And while most things of value get more expensive as supply decreases, you can still get pre-construction pricing if you act now.
I don’t know how any sane person can read this and not think we’re at the peak of an over-inflated market.
The web copy at www.vistaplaceliving.ca doesn’t follow up on the ad’s attempt at ECON 101 but it does offer a writing error worthy of ENGL 103:
Vista Place on West 13th and Chesterfield….Here’s a vibrant neighbourhood waiting to welcome you. So many fabulous places to go. Markets to shop. Boutiques to browse. Restaurant’s [sic] to meet with friends. All the urban advantages on your doorstep. Unlimited outdoor adventures in the North Shore Mountains just a short drive away.
Scratch that, that mistake is worthy of English 9. At best.
Message to the condo marketers: You wanna know what rare is? Rare is condo marketing that actually uses proper English. (Honestly, I don’t get it. How does this keep happening?)
Name your next condo “Apostrophe” and maybe we’ll forgive you.
Well, let’s just say I’ve been writing for a lot longer than I thought I would. By now, I figured all would’ve gone to hell and I’d be set to retire. With no hype to deflate, it was gonna be time to shut ‘er down. But here we are in 2008 and the sky has shown no limit. The market is foaming at the mouth. Prices are as high as ever. The best I can do is shake my head, browse some ads, and spew literary venom at the merchants of shoebox homes.
Focus Real Estate Marketing brings us today’s fodder — a Squamish townhouse and condo project called Aqua at Coastal Village — and it’s a beauty. There’s no picture of the building in the ad, just two white-shirted common laws lounging barefoot on a dock. I can’t blame them. Dropping $362,000 for Squamish’s “best value” doesn’t leave much budget for shoes. (Though apparently there’s money for Lululemon; click the amenities link on the project website for a view of a lifestyle-living fashionista locked in the downward dog.)
In Vancouver, snow is on the street and a stench is in the air. Finding the source of a stink wouldn’t be a concern for most, but I’m an odd guy so it was a preoccupation of mine during the holidays. And wouldn’t you know it, I tracked the foulness down to a condo ad. An ad for Success Tower at Pinnacle Centre.
Success Tower — the wealthy uncle of Mississauga’s Mediocrity Mews — is a condo in Toronto marketed to us saps here in Vancouver. It’s a strange appeal that reflects the insanity of real estate on the west coast. Priced out of English Bay? It’s time to look at Bay Street!
WTF?!
It gets worse. The marketer, Anson Realty, can’t resist the urge to hype its tower with all the gusto reminiscent of the glory days of Platinum Project Marketing. Consider these howlers of condo crap copy:
You’ve worked hard to achieve what you desire in life, and now you are within reach of the ultimate symbol of success. Success Tower at Pinnacle Centre.
At Pinnacle Centre, Success is an address. It is where you belong.
Wow, that reeks and that’s just off the website. Who knows what you’ll find in the sales centre. But let me tell ya, if success is an address, what does this say about those who bought into Woodward’s?
Here’s hoping 2008 brings us better ads, better homes, and most importantly, better affordability. Happy new year everybody.
Today’s consumer-oriented Christmas is a supreme achievement of the marketing machine, second only to Valentine’s Day in its exploitation of tradition as a means of separating the masses from their money. (I say second because as much as Christmas is commercialized, at least it retains some relevance to religious communities. V-Day, on the other hand, has no purpose but to subsidize flower shops and card makers.)
Christmas, the marketers remind us, is about the season of giving. Well, lately the condo marketers haven’t been giving us much to scoff at, probably because they realize the hordes are too busy looking for a new Wii than to contemplate dropping $500,000 on a condo smaller than a mid-size car. Not many ads to make fun of right now, though I am eager for what’s in store for the new year.
In the spirit of giving, I’m using today’s post to feature a television ad by Century 21. Some of you may have seen it before. The ad depicts a married couple in an argument about buying a new home. One partner is hesitant while the other wants to go ahead. “We can do this,” says the wife, after realtor Suzanne on speakerphone says the same. At the end, the husband agrees. The couple embraces and Suzanne “goes to work” to close the deal.
The ad is brilliant because of its acknowledgment of the very real anxiety that comes with taking on the ownership of a home. There’s no “own-the lifestyle-five-minutes-from-your-favourite-doggie-daycare” hype here. Instead, this ad gives us a devastating look into domestic ennui with a well acted scene of kitchen bickering. I am especially impressed by the use of sound. Think of the clanking dishes and how the sound perfectly conveys the disappointments of married life. There is a level of complexity and honesty to this ad that is unheard of in Vancouver condo marketing.
In praising this ad, understand that I am not endorsing its message. I am only writing about its merit as a piece of advertising. In light of what is happening in the U.S. where foreclosures are taking the economy into recession, Suzanne’s message that the couple “can do this” is ironic, tragic and deeply disturbing.
To the condo marketers, I ask you to consider this ad and think of what you can do better in trying to market your condos. Whatever you can give us in terms of better ads would be appreciated. It would mean a lot. In the spirit of Christmas, please give.
The condo ads have been bland lately. While there’s no shortage of bad ads, there is less and less of the “so-bad-it’s-good” variety.
The ad for Edgemont at Westwood Village is an exception. A modern classic of condo hype, it is written to appeal to the broadest possible audience by cheerfully embracing dualities without the slightest bit of shame. It’s yoga meets urban meets nature meets golf. (Surprisingly, no mention of a latte or related beverage.)
You don’t need to think about this ad for more than a second to come to the conclusion that it makes absolutely no sense. Nobody’s doing yoga in a forest across the street from the new H&M. But advertising isn’t about thinking or logic or meaning, it’s about doing. In this case, it’s about running out and spending 400 large on a condo in Coquitlam. By the mall, yet, by nature. And golf.
Another way of putting it:
1.) At breakfast, shop Lululemon;
2.) At lunch, hunt and skin a deer;
3.) At dinner, bring out the putter for par.
Advertising is about the arbitrary linking of ideas. For lifestyle marketing especially, the theory tells you the unity of the random is the way to go. Why be one thing to one audience when you can be all things to all people? Make no sense and anything is possible.
Willing to cross a border to get to your condo? The condo marketing machine thinks so. So much so that the hucksters behind Seascape at Blaine Harbor paid big bucks to advertise in last weekend’s Vancouver Sun.
Not to rain on the parade, but I surmise that considerably smaller bucks were spent on the ad and web design which, on the quality spectrum, falls somewhere between awful and ass.
For all you folks with $379,500 burning a hole in your pocket, can I ask, are you swayed by this kind of advertising? I wonder how anyone can have confidence in a development when the media materials are so bad. Just try loading the Seascape website. You could get through customs faster than it takes for the main page to come up.
Sweat out the page load and take a read of the “superior top-quality” features that come standard with these condos. My personal favourite is the “complete cleaning prior to occupancy.” Good to know that after dropping close to 400K, I won’t have to bring my shop vac.
Condohype 