Buyers must complete

Calera

I’m back with old-school condo hype!  Forget the civic politics, liquidation economics or journalistic hyperbolics.  (Still deciding what that means.)  Forget it all because it’s time for Calera at Clayton Village.

If you’re part of the real estate armageddon set, you’ll get a kick out of the Calera legalese.  For all those who find “pleasure” in lawsuits against deadbeat pre-sale buyers, you’ll enjoy this background on the mortgage promo:

Payment does not include interest, GST, CMHC fees, property tax, bank administration fees, and is based on interest only 3 year fixed term mortgage at 5.15%.  Promotion is non-transferable and original purchaser must complete on home.

Message to flippers, stay away.  Please.  We don’t want to have to sue you.

According to the web copy, Calera is a quiet community that “beats an exhilarating modern pulse.”  Any idea on meaning here?  It could be cardiovascular or a fiesta of word garbage.  This is harsh sounding, I know, but I’m ultra-sensitive to waste words.  (Keep in mind I’m guilty of unnecessary verbosity so please do criticize me in the comments.)

I’ve always had a thing for ads with thought bubbles.  I look at them as a fun challenge.  If I could draw a third balloon, what would it be?  For this one, I’d have a bag of money and the paperwork for a TFSA.

There’s nothing wrong with saving money.

26 Responses to “Buyers must complete”

  1. VHB Says:

    Does Calera rhyme with cholera?

  2. jesse Says:

    It’s pronounced, “This market’s going to tank like Cal er uh fornia.”

  3. TUT Says:

    Does anybody read the small print? Most likely not, mostly if you’re blinded by the prospectus of a “lifetime” opportunity.
    Like being ripped off?

  4. General Zod Says:

    Their website in FF is like the real estate market right now, crashing with a flash.

  5. Carioca Canuck Says:

    OK…..I’m confused……

    It says in the text that the $499 payment “does not include interest, GST, CMHC fees, property tax, bank administration fees”……yet it also goes on to say that the payment is based on an “interest only 3 years term fixed mortgage”.

    So….what is it ? A $499 condo fee that you are paying ?? LOL !!

  6. Realist Says:

    CH should do a poll….How many of it’s readers/users are renters vs. owners. I have a feeling it will be directly related to the stupid/sarcastic comments

  7. sidelines Says:

    Don’t know exactly what you’re getting at, Realist, but the comments of recent purchasers (those who bought in the last 3-4 years) are very often related to certain types of comments, that’s for sure… Might you be one of them, then?

  8. anon Says:

    CH should do a poll… how many of its readers/users are condo developers/desperate owners of featured properties. I have a feeling it will be directly related to the stupid/angry whining comments, by people who don’t know the difference between the contraction of “it is”, “it’s”, and the possessive pronoun “its.”

    Realists should know how to spell.

  9. anon Says:

    P.S. Really smart realists should know how to properly punctuate as well…

  10. A renter in Vancouver Says:

    Getting back to the ad itself. Car vs Condo is an interesting trade off for a lot of people. Unfortunately, Surrey is such a pedestrian unfriendly nightmare of a city that’s it’s near impossible to live there and not own a car.

  11. greg Says:

    Not only that renter, but anyone who can only afford $500/month for a condo certainly can’t afford $500 month for a car – not unless it includes at least 500 square feet of luxury living back in the camper.

    Also, why is there any urgency to complete this deal by June? Why on earth do they include a 4 month deadline to pony up an offer in this ad copy?

  12. chris Says:

    Well, you can sleep in your car, but you can’t drive your Surrey shoebox condo.

  13. jesse Says:

    She’s dreaming a detached house or a 4 door car. That’s just setting herself up for disappointment.

  14. sallysmith Says:

    That ad makes absolutely no sense…$499 a month but does not include interest? Or strata fee? Is this like when you try to book an airline flight for $299 and the final price = $950? Jeepers…what’s next with these RE developers? Talk about misleading, they should be sued because there’s no way anyone is going to walk out of there with a 3 year term and paying only $499 a month.

  15. Will Says:

    First of all it’s great to have you back ripping into the ads! Twas getting a bit repetitive with you mimicking the other sites. Public Enemy rocked the hip hop world sounding original and with what may be your theme “Don’t Believe the Hype”.

    As to this advert/site I wonder when was the last time they updated it. Continuing the small print we see rates are based on wat was out 9 months ago (“5/30/08”) and are naturally subject to change. So I wonder what they are at now and how far along the project they are. All that aside I don’t see how the area presents an “urban vibe” nor how the architecture is distinct. Looks to me like a rather “somewhat better than cheap” motel I can find near anywhere in Washington State.

    Their site is also master of the run on sentence with every noun accentuated by an adjective with an apparent need for 5 pairings before any period. Does anyone actually read this stuff besides us?

  16. doug r Says:

    Paying $499 a month for INTEREST ONLY is not owning! You’re just renting money.

  17. Boombust Says:

    That entire Clayton area is SATURATED with condos, t/houses and SFH developments. It’s really quite stunning.

  18. Skye Says:

    Just for anyone else that has no idea where the hell “Clayton Village” is, I googled it. It’s in CLOVERDALE. Rock on…..

  19. tragicspin Says:

    Skye , good of you to point that out. Clayton Heights is actually on the FAR side of Cloverdale going towards Langley, well Willowbrook actually. It isn’t actually a place to live it is more a place to admit that you have failed and certain death is immenant and preferable . Arrrrggghh.

    Anyone moving out there thinking that ‘Vancouver is close” , “It’s a short drive” is deluding themselves. It’s out in the middle of nowhere. You’re surrounded by low life of indescribal description. There are no facilities, nothing is cool, the pretension is vomitous. Cheap real estate is no trade off for living. Personally I wouldn’t live there if they gave me a house for free and the one next door for a dog house.

  20. HappyLangleyDweller Says:

    Skye … tragicspin … wow! What venom! I can hazard a guess that neither of you has ever spent any significant time in the Cloverdale / Langley area. You know it’s bad enough that bears are insulted by bulls, renters are insulted by ‘owners’, but seriously, you have to attack an entire geographic area? You really have no idea at all. You should be ashamed!
    And yes, the whole entirety of Cloverdale and Willoughby Heights is massively and unbelievably over-saturated with development. Look for some fine pickings in a couple of years.

  21. anon Says:

    Go for the car… it’s roomier.

  22. dingus Says:

    Anybody else reminded of SNL’s Happy Fun Ball?

  23. PM Says:

    “Good sanitation practices, if instituted in time, are usually sufficient to stop an epidemic.” – Cholera entry on Wikipedia

  24. tragicspin Says:

    HappyLangleyDweller, I made the mistake of moving to Cloverdale some years ago. It wasn’t just the negative social enviorment or the dearth of stimulative activity that shocked me, it was the fact that I had school age children the Graduation statistics are lower in your area than some very disadvantaged native reserves in the BC hinterland.

    The High School in Cloverdale (for example) only produces 1.7% of it’s ‘grads’ who are able to matriculate into any University. Less than 2 in 100 kids able to qualify for a higher education. The area is a nightmare for parents who may want a better life for thier children. The kids there are roaming around at night in drugged up packs like a scene from Night of the Living Dead. Thats why I left in a hurry, whats your excuse for staying?

  25. dingus Says:

    The Sun is reporting that the Ritz Carlton project is dead.

  26. deborah Says:

    “Urban Vibe”?! As said above – no freakin’ way unless you call strip malls, fast food places and auto dealerships urban. Me, I picture downtown Vancouver as urban. The area is a bedroom community for Vancouver, nothing more.

    And yes, I’ve lived in the area.

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