Dreams of green

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a popular proverb that I’ve never been able to get behind. It’s a reckless concept, never mind an insult to those who make good covers. A cover, like an ad, is an invitation to make an investment. How is it a good idea to invest in something without considering the available information about it?

I bring this up to discuss a mysterious Coal Harbour condo dubbed Three Harbour Green. I know nothing about it beyond its amateur ad, a blue-and-purple monstrosity depicting a mask and a passion for centre justification. Apparently the mask represents the “front-row seats to the good life” but all I see a prop from the set of Eyes Wide Shut.

The copy is by-the-numbers condo hype, prestigious address and all:

Coal Harbour’s last, true waterfront development. Vancouver’s most prestigious waterfront address. House-size floor plans, unobstructed 10-foot floor-to-ceiling harbour views, and award-winning Italian style by Snaidero, MOVE, L’O di Giotto and others.

Let us put you in front-row seats. Then, let us put you on a plane to Italy.

What’s with the last line? Is that some sort of a new amenity? Condo, now with flex room and deportation.

No prices are listed in the ad but it’s obvious these are a multi-million dollar homes. Why such a lame ad? If the developer can afford to throw in tickets to Rome, why is the ad made so cheap?

Oh wait. This is Vancouver condo marketing. Right.

7 Responses to “Dreams of green”

  1. Kablooey Says:

    Is anyone keeping track of the number of ‘last true waterfront’ developments we’ve had so far?

    They haven’t given us any idea of what the countertops are made of. A glaring omission that even the greenest (a bad choice of words) of copy writers wouldn’t make.

  2. paulb Says:

    Eyes Wide Shut is bang on. Now all I can think of is a haunting orgy. lol! Unique ad for sure.

  3. chris Says:

    Wait. They’re literally buying you a flight to Italy? I thought this was supposed to be some kind of (very strained) metaphor, referring back to the designers they gushed over in the line above. Either way, I can’t make much sense of it.

  4. Bubble Lad Says:

    Your deportation comment made me laugh out loud. It does sound faintly ominous.

  5. islander Says:

    Remember in Grade 12 English when you’d be studying Hamlet or Macbeth and your teacher would explain how some word Shakespeare used (or invented) had a vastly different (or even the exact opposite) meaning to today?

    Well, thanks to empty marketing and bad writers, the word undergoing a similar transformation is “prestigious.” An adjective that was intended to reflect a condition or quality that was sort of self-evident to the point that to use the word “prestigious” in describing an object, event or person was, in effect, redundant. As in, “Milton Friedman was awarded the (prestigious) Nobel Prize for economics in 1976.”

    When “prestigious” is trotted out these days, it’s usually employed as an adjective to something banal or common. As in, “Register now for a chance to purchase a corner unit in the prestigious Shady Acres Tower.”

  6. swirlyman Says:

    I guess they expect the only folks that can afford these condos are Italian mafia dons.

  7. Jay Says:

    I am a bit sceptical about this new development. I am a realtor myself but I believe the Waterfront has already been devastated by all those new developments. No wonder the City is trying to revitalize it, albeit not too successfully.
    We’ll see if this “last jewel” in the crown is really worth waiting for. Oh, I just hope I’ll be wrong…

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