Sexy? You must live in Yaletown

A professor once told me that most newspapers are only good for lining bird cages and wrapping fish heads. It’s pretty cynical thinking but when a paper runs a story about “neighbourhood sexiness research,” I’m eager to find the nearest available salmon.

My rage today is all the result of the media’s fascination with a non-story conjured up by some speed-dating website you’ve never heard of. As reported in the Province and on News 1130, says Yaletown is “Canada’s sexiest neighbourhood.” Fast Life came up with this dubious fact by looking at the postal codes of its members and packaging the data as news.

As real estate coverage has shown us, no news story is complete without “expert” commentary. Without hesitation, the press checks in with a Fast Life spokesman to shower us with talking points about the “youth” and “affluence” of the Yaletown population. You know, because that’s what sexy’s all about.

Got a birthday in the 1990s and a trust fund from your parents? Congratulations, you automatically acquire the hotness of Monica Bellucci.

It’s enough to make you want to drown yourself in a Bellini.

12 Responses to “Sexy? You must live in Yaletown”

  1. condohype Says:

    Photo courtesy of viagallery.

  2. Top Five Unsexy Things About Yaletown at Says:

    […] across a ridiculous piece of news via the ever-amusing condohype blog: Yaletown is being dubbed the “sexiest neighbourhood” in Canada. Really? I can think of at least five reasons that this isn’t the case (and yes, I’m […]

  3. mons Says:

    I saw that in todays Metro!

    And the sexiest province is Winnepeg…??!?

  4. ROCK Says:

    The girl in the picture looks like a pre-pubescent male. Give me a break, this is supposed to be sexy. The sexiest thing about him/her is that PC Tablet in her hand.

    To even draw a comparison to Monica Bellucci, who amongst other sultry features has a beautiful and luscious set of….er, talents, is blasphemy.

  5. ThePope Says:

    The way I read this is that membership in an internet dating site is the criteria for sexy. Desperate is the new black.

    Thanks Fastlife!

    (Fast, Cheap or Good – which would you prefer?)

  6. Larry Yatkowsky Says:

    perhaps the report is a tower of phallus-cy

    just sayin…. 🙂

  7. jesse Says:

    Don’t hate them because they’re beautiful. They can’t help it.

    I love visiting friends in Yaletown. The best part is revving my 20 year old car without a muffler in the parking garage and having all the car alarms go off and annoying yappy dogs behind flat doors by barking back. The simple things in life make it all worth while.

  8. condohype Says:

    “Give me a break, this is supposed to be sexy.”

    Great question. Hopefully I don’t sound too pretentious (too late) when I say the choice of photo is a comment on the corporate construction of sexy. It’s also no accident that I refer to Monica Bellucci, whose age and body shape are very much at odds with the model in the photo.

  9. Kaitain Says:

    The plastic drones who float around Yaletown are perhaps the least sexy people I could imagine. What is their purpose? Who programmed them, and why?

  10. ROCK Says:

    Condohype, you hit it on the money. Agreed, your choice of the sultry Bellucci was a good one, and my earlier comment reads far more serious than it should. Keep up the great work!

  11. jimbo Says:

    Yaletown is sexy.
    People, shops, restaurants, architecture, history …. the little dogs. ALL SEXY.
    Name me one neighbourhood that is sexier?

  12. Rental Manager Says:

    True, “Yaletown is very sexy”, but please….. we need to teach a few of these sexy people how to smile and be more receptive to conversation instead of just looking super sexy and being fixated on that.

    Be happy you Yaletown good looking crew you !

    Some of those guys would rather converse with their pet pooch opposed to having an intelligent conversation with a random character in a coffee shop.

    Your looks aren’t everything…… just be cool, then smile, then talk and try to image what it would be like to be……well………. a little warmer than ice.

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