Worthless by the lake

The Cottages at Cultus Lake

Today’s subject for evisceration is imaginatively named The Cottages at Cultus Lake. I must confess to having to do a bit of research on the location of said lake; my knowledge of the Lower Mainland is mostly limited to areas around SkyTrain lines and ‘hoods accessible by trolley. It turns out Cultus Lake is on the outskirts of Chilliwack, making it roughly within the GVRD — meaning it qualifies for a condohype critique. I’m sure the developer’s thrilled.

If you’re looking for insight into the quality of this investment, you might find guidance by looking at the name of the lake. You see, cultus has its origins in First Nations languages. Taken from the Salish word kul, it means “bad” or “worthless.”

Don’t look to the French for anything better. In French, cul means “ass” if you can pardon my, uh, French.

Now to be fair, the name of the lake has nothing to do with the developer. The same can’t be said for the ad copy, which I present to you here in all its superfluous exuberance:

It’s moments like this that will hook you. Come home to Cultus Lake. To real moments. To the rush of a mountain stream. To the sharp smell of wood smoke. To your cottage nestled amidst towering cedars. And to people you love. Here at the Cottages you are just 90 minutes from Vancouver, yet a world apart. Beyond your expectations. So close to home.

I love how the cottages are “just” 90 minutes from Vancouver. As if three hours roundtrip to downtown is a breezy good time. Commute times of that length pretty much mean an end to daddy spending time with son. I say nothing about commuting’s effect on the daddy-mommy love life. (OK, maybe just one thing: cultus in the sack?)

Returning to the father-and-son angle, there is something very peculiar about this ad. In small text, a caption reads “Fishing with Dad – the Cottages at Cultus Lake, May 25th, 2007 — 11:00 a.m.” Why is this mentioned?

My best guess is that the marketer wanted to take their River Runs Through It imagery and connect it to reality, using a date stamp to ground the message. Problem is, they didn’t take care to check the date. Flip your calendar and you’ll see May 25th was a Friday, meaning lil’ Craig Sheffer here should’ve been in school.

A River Runs Through It? This is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

And what does this say about dad? Cool dad, maybe? Nah. I’d say kul.

17 Responses to “Worthless by the lake”

  1. Ian Says:

    “I love how the cottages are “just” 90 minutes from Vancouver. As if three hours roundtrip to downtown is a breezy good time.”

    1.5 hours is pretty close for a cottage. Notice that they are selling COTTAGES, not condos or houses. As silly as their marketing is, nowhere do they imply that this is a place to live in full-time and commute to the city to work. In fact, when they say, “So close to home,” they’re targeting people looking for a second home.

  2. Juliet Says:

    Once more, spot the typo: “Rent a privatly owned Cottage at Cultus Lake for your summer vacation.”

  3. solipsist Says:

    Great evisceration. “They” so much invite it.


  4. passerby Says:

    It’s a cottage for chr*st sake, not a primary residence. 90 min drive to a cottage is INDEED “just”.

    It’s amazing how you chose to criticize just for the sake of criticizing. This blog started nicely, but it’s pretty much crap now.

  5. gabe Says:

    You’re reaching here.

  6. Paul Says:

    Gabe: “You’re reaching here.”

    I concur.

    PS – In the interest of intense detail (per your M.O.); they are not fly fishing.

  7. jesse Says:

    In the ad’s defence, they are selling something a bit more tangible here. Cottages within 90 minutes of Vancouver are hard to find. They may have something here though certainly pretty steep for a “cottage”.

    What pisses me off about their site is the requirement to register to find ANYTHING else about their offer. Other than the square footage (is that lot size or house size) and that I really crave trout for dinner tonight.

    Cultus lake is a nice place but it gets crowded in the summer months. Fishing is great up that way.

  8. condohype Says:

    “This blog started nicely, but it’s pretty much crap now.”

    This is too funny. I’m putting this on the ‘about’ page right now. Thanks for passing by.

  9. leo Says:

    After googling the Cottages at Cultus Lake and finding this article before the actual website I am quite surprised at the article and compelled to respond.

    First I am a little confused about a Condo Hype article when the Cottages are going to be detached homes. I am also baffled by how someone would not know about Cultus Lake and feel obligated to write an article on something having to do with the community.

    Myself and my family have been looking to purchase in Cultus for years now but real estate out there is rare and expensive. The homes out there are selling for well above their listed price and trust me I have tried to find one that met my family’s budget.

    After stumbling on the ad in the Peace Arch News I did in fact register and was contacted within a day or so by someone at the Cottages. They were able to answer any question I had about location, price, completion dates, and anything else that I needed to know. They are approaching this is a unique way that I was told allows them to focus their efforts on the potential buyers that are serious about getting into the Cottages. There has been so much hype that I have been put on a waiting list to make a reservation to buy.

    So when you are hanging out at the “skytrain hoods” next summer you can think of me swinging on my back porch enjoying life.

  10. pete Says:

    Good points from those who say this blog is crap. The person who started this, and clearly knows nothing about Cultus, is probably a loser who can’t afford a Cottage there and therefore is bitter towards all those who build and buy them. Get a life loser!

  11. jerry springer-like Says:

    What a piece of trash this blog is. It almost seems it was written by one of the many young angry pan-handlers that so rampant across the Lower Mainland…

    I said it “almost seems” because we know that the young kids pan-handling on the street would be too lazy to type that shitty article up.

    Get a life other than video games…

  12. Tim Says:

    You would be hard pressed to say there is good fishing at Cultus. It is a cottage though, so 2nd home for most unless you lived and worked in Chilliwack.

  13. mike Says:


    Has anyone else been to the sales previews?

    It’s similar to a Mexican time share, very unorganized, incredible pressure to choose immediately.

    Becareful not to get sucked into it.

    They are trying to create hype and sell as many of these as soon as possible.

    Going to the USA for rec. property is about HALF the price as the Cultus cottages. These things won’t go up fast if at all. The place will be dark and dingy most of the year thanks to the surrounding mountains.

    Get yourself a Nexus pass and save.

  14. condohype Says:

    Hey Jerry Springer-like. So sorry for the late reply. I was busy playing PSP while asking for change at Main and Terminal.

  15. Neil Says:

    I beleive the “pressure” to select fast was because of the response they had.
    I tried to purchase but since I waited to long to take the next step I was unable to do so.
    Apparently the Cottages sold over 90 Cottages in 6 hours on the first day of sale when the original amount was said to be 77. So I guess the so called “pressure” was actually one of the sales peoples way of telling us that we could miss out, which I did. As far as going to the US to buy rec property, have fun at the line ups on every weekend and immense security while everyone who owns a cottage can be at their place in a matter of 90 minutes or less.

  16. Mike Says:

    Mike here again. Has anyone checked out Sudden Valley? Go to google and type in: “Sudden Valley Brio”, this site is great as for a comparison.
    You can find a new 2000 sq.ft. home for $240,000. Basically half price of Cultus. Just be warned these Cultus cottages WILL drop in price big time after the Olympics. Cultus upside $$$ potential is limited, but the downside is half price. As I said get a Nexus pass and scoot through the border. Also lake Whatcom is 100 times better a lake than Cultus, MUCH bigger and way less crowded. Sudden Valley is an hour from Surrey with a Nexus pass.

  17. Jack Says:

    Have you ever spent time at the site where these cottages are being built?

    The sun is blocked by the mountains most of the year.

    It is DARK and rainy, I know the area well, the clouds come sit there and DUMP their rain.

    How do you think the trees go so tall at that site?

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