Today’s subject for evisceration is imaginatively named The Cottages at Cultus Lake. I must confess to having to do a bit of research on the location of said lake; my knowledge of the Lower Mainland is mostly limited to areas around SkyTrain lines and ‘hoods accessible by trolley. It turns out Cultus Lake is on the outskirts of Chilliwack, making it roughly within the GVRD — meaning it qualifies for a condohype critique. I’m sure the developer’s thrilled.
If you’re looking for insight into the quality of this investment, you might find guidance by looking at the name of the lake. You see, cultus has its origins in First Nations languages. Taken from the Salish word kul, it means “bad” or “worthless.”
Don’t look to the French for anything better. In French, cul means “ass” if you can pardon my, uh, French.
Now to be fair, the name of the lake has nothing to do with the developer. The same can’t be said for the ad copy, which I present to you here in all its superfluous exuberance:
It’s moments like this that will hook you. Come home to Cultus Lake. To real moments. To the rush of a mountain stream. To the sharp smell of wood smoke. To your cottage nestled amidst towering cedars. And to people you love. Here at the Cottages you are just 90 minutes from Vancouver, yet a world apart. Beyond your expectations. So close to home.
I love how the cottages are “just” 90 minutes from Vancouver. As if three hours roundtrip to downtown is a breezy good time. Commute times of that length pretty much mean an end to daddy spending time with son. I say nothing about commuting’s effect on the daddy-mommy love life. (OK, maybe just one thing: cultus in the sack?)
Returning to the father-and-son angle, there is something very peculiar about this ad. In small text, a caption reads “Fishing with Dad – the Cottages at Cultus Lake, May 25th, 2007 — 11:00 a.m.” Why is this mentioned?
My best guess is that the marketer wanted to take their River Runs Through It imagery and connect it to reality, using a date stamp to ground the message. Problem is, they didn’t take care to check the date. Flip your calendar and you’ll see May 25th was a Friday, meaning lil’ Craig Sheffer here should’ve been in school.
A River Runs Through It? This is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
And what does this say about dad? Cool dad, maybe? Nah. I’d say kul.