This will all end soon

We’re getting so close to the end of days it isn’t even funny. You know it’s desperate times when you see something like this in the Vancouver Sun. Special thanks to moongirl for pointing it out. This ad showed up in the Tuesday edition in full colour, spread across two full pages.

How ironic that what appears to be the most cheaply designed ad in the history of Vancouver condo marketing is backed by an ad buy worth tens of thousands of dollars. Couldn’t they have spared $500 for creative?

If I can say something nice, I’ll say that this ad does a good job summing up everything that’s wrong with the selling of real estate in Metro Vancouver. It shows how twisted things have become. Broken down to the basic elements, this is what we’re sold:

1. Affordable condos = One-bedrooms starting at $149,900;
2. Great location = Downtown Langley, close to a Starbucks, groceries and a casino;
3. Fabulous luxury = Kohler faucets, garburator, soap dispenser in kitchen, electric fireplace, storage room in MOST suites, microwave.

I could keep going but it’s too depressing. To think that our economy is driven by this, that so many people have bought into this, that the “Best Place on Earth” is defined by this. It’s a tragedy. There’s no way this is going to end well. If you’re not scared now, you should be.

Friends, get ready for a walk into the basement. The market is going down.

Horseplay at High Point

Granite countertops. Laminate floors. Soaker tub. Horse.

Quick, can you spot the feature that doesn’t belong?

Well, for all the developers, realtors, and condohype haters that think I should get off my high horse, the joke’s on you. Stallions are now a standard-issue offering in the wacky world of Metro Vancouver real estate.

The proof is High Point, an estate community in South Langley whose premier feature is an exclusive equestrian centre. Why be just steps from your preferred coffee shop when you can be a saunter away from your favourite mare?

Before you get too excited and get all “zoo” on me, know that the property isn’t completed yet. In fact, it’s currently situated on 287 acres of a former gravel pit.

Speaking to the Globe and Mail, one of the High Point developers spares no superlative talking about his Flicka farm:

No where else in the country — maybe in North America — offers the combination of the planning and care that has gone into High Point, the surrounding untouched parklands, the scenic mountain views, and the wide range of top-notch recreational and retail amenities just down the road.

Apparently the site is so impressive that High Point was but one of the proposed uses for the land. Previous ideas include, no lie, a mobile home site, a golf course, and a GVRD garbage dump.

Smell the luxury, kids. Condohype is back.