A weekend of lifestyle living

For all the talk about “lifestyle living” in the “world city” of Vancouver, the weather here is good for one, maybe two weeks a year. When mother nature bestows hot sunny days on the city — as we experienced this past weekend — Vancouverites explode with happiness, shed most of their clothes and head on down to Kits Beach for Western Canada’s ultimate body show-off.

Being the sexy urban professional that I am, I couldn’t help but join the pageant at the beach. It was a surreal experience, as if all the characters in Vancouver condo ads had come to life. Topless Babe in Shades played volleyball, the Happy Feet Couple strolled in the surf, the Coquitlam Dancing Princess did a little jig. It was beautiful. Then night fell and everybody went home.

For one weekend, Vancouver lived the lifestyle. No thought of mortgage payments or strata rules or the “100 security cameras” that help you sleep at night. Just a lovely weekend for all to enjoy.

For once, freedom.

Pulse, now with shirt

The Topless Babe in Shades is back only this time she has a shirt and free time to stroll the seawall. Who knows what she’s thinking about but something tells me she’s intellectual. After that whole watermelon thing, it’s hard to believe she isn’t packing some brainpower. Face it, no one acts out a gourd fetish on a whim — it’s the kind of thing you do only after you’ve thought long and hard about what you really want.

Not that I’m into her or anything. What’s compelling about a single, financially secure twenty-something in Kitsilano? Sure, she owns her own place, has a healthy sexuality and enjoys long walks on the beach.

No, I don’t want to ask her out. Not at all. No.

Leave me alone.

Kitsilano melon-choly

I first wrote about Pulse back in May and I’ve long wondered what happened to the Kitsilano’s famous Topless Babe in Shades. Turns out T.B.I.S. owns evening wear, as shown here in this deliciously entertaining follow-up ad. Not sure what happened to the shades or why she’s hovering over the tub with a watermelon, but I’d guess it has something to do with “a different kind of urban living in the heart of Kitsilano.” Who would’ve thought a gourd could be a symbol of defiance?

In case you missed your chance to browse the display suite, the presentation centre has moved to a new location. Intrigued yet? Yeah, me neither.

Somebody get me a cantaloupe.

Oh that building

Yeah, it’s the one that isn’t sold yet. I am of course talking about South Granville Lofts, Rennie’s offering of “true loft living” at Sixth and Granville. Unlike much of what we see advertised these days, this baby’s not a pre-sale. That’s right, it’s built and ready for occupancy. It could be yours, provided you have a big enough suitcase to carry all the cash you’ll need to pay for it.

Can you imagine yourself in this mecca of “soaring” ceilings and “galleryesque” interior spaces, as the marketer describes? I can’t, but only because I don’t know what galleryesque means.

Rennie et al. have put together a jazzy little website for these envy-shacks complete with “funky” music. The music is totally superficial in its relationship to the neighbourhood. Face it, there’s no confusing “hipster Kitsilano” for Motown.

You know, I’ve never really understood why the condo marketers put such short music samples on their sites, and then run them in endless loops. I can’t see any buyer visiting for more than a minute not being supremely irritated by the blips and beeps of condo pop.

Lifestyle by street number

In what is sure to bring about an arms race of lifestyle claims to each and every one of Vancouver’s numbered streets, the marketing blitz is now in full swing for First (sorry, FIRST), the Marcon-Wedgewood residential project that invites buyers to “live the West First lifestyle.” I’m a bit at a loss as to how the West First lifestyle compares to the West Second lifestyle but I can let it slide. This is a condo ad after all.

Apparently First is “only in Kits” — Kits referring to Kitsilano — which begs the question as to where the hell the street goes once it crosses out of the neighbourhood. Could there be life beyond Alma or Burrard? (I once had a friend who lived at First and Commercial but I never actually went to the place. Was it all a lie? No wait, that’s East Van. You can’t trust those urbanist modernists.)

If you have the time, take a visit to FIRST online. Then prepare yourself for a sampling of the limitless leisure afforded through ownership of this concrete palace. Guests to the site are treated to an animation depicting a 12-hour day, complete with suggested activites for residents. I’d offer my own remarks, but perhaps I’d be best to leave you with the ad copy itself:

Imagine your day at FIRST: A run on the beach, mid-morning latte, epicurean delights for lunch, browsing shops you’ll only find here… the possibilities are endless.

Wow. That’s great. Sounds like my day except I fit going to work in there, and minus the mid-morning latte (gotta get to work before mid-morning), epicurean delights for lunch (typically I eat at my desk for lunch while at work), and browsing unique shops (stores are usually closed by the time I get home from work). But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe this does beat the West Second lifestyle!